Last Summer and Recent Photos

In reading the title of this blog it says a man's journey with Multiple Sclerosis and an old bay horse. Since I have been back posting it has only been about Bouffe; so, I need to fill you in about me.

This time last year I was just getting home from spending eight weeks in the hospital after getting a very serious infection that the doctors, to this day, still cannot identify. The infection did affect my MS, making all of the symptoms worse. I am still trying to get back to where I was before getting sick. Riding Bouffe again is my goal, which I am working towards very slowly with PT, exercise and music therapy.

I wrote while I was in there and this what I transcribed after being brought back to life on April 28, 2016 at 8pm.

April 28, 2016 8pm

BLACK, black as a night lacking a moon or any stars. 
Black was something my mother never liked; 
for, it was evil, the devil, hell.

But I felt a sense of peace, 
until the pounding began on my chest. 
A beating as if administered with a brick 
that was crumbling with every blow.

Each clubbing more intense 
until a flash of light broke the darkness 
and I heard the screaming 
WAYNE, WAYNE. 

***

Performing music both vocally and with my guitar is a creative process that I find very spiritual.

 That Light

The show is just over

You’ve been with God for the last two hours.

There is nothing any better.


You get ready for bed and light a candle.

Everything you need is in that Light.

You fall asleep and do it all over again

tomorrow. 

***

Finally, here are some more photos Zoe took of Bouffe:

We Both Survived The Winter

It has been four months since I last posted to this blog and there are several things I should have written about. 

Soon after my last post Leslie became certified as an equine massage therapist and performed massage therapy on Bouffe, which was a success. But, on the other hand, I started feeling worse as the cold weather set in. 

This scenario continued through this past winter as Bouffe seemed to thrive in all of the cold and snow and my legs became tighter. But I continued with hippotheraphy and with Robin's help I was able to get through the winter and am again starting to get more strength in my legs. 

I took this photo today of Bouffe who really seemed to know I was feeling better.

First Day of Training

Well, the first day of training for Bouffe and me went pretty well for Bouffe, but I was pretty much not a player. After Elsa, who works for Robin and is my assistant in training Bouffe, brought him in my wife Barbara and I groomed him and were told Bouffe's back was sore and riding was not a good idea. Evidently, from lack of exercise Bouffe's top line muscles have sunken to the point he can not bear any weight on his back and lounging was all he can do, which is a similar scenario to Bouffe's condition when I first got him. His top line was weak then and became stronger with light work. 

Now, I was not having a good day physically (you people with MS no exactly what I mean) so, Elsa lunged Bouffe, whose stride was very short and choppy. After about a ten minute session Barbara walked Bouffe around the ring for another five minutes. Bouffe was his gentle kind self and never thought of taking advantage of Barbara who was a first time hot walker. 

The highlight of the day for me was when Bouffe, who is usually anxious to get back to his friends in the field, lead Elsa over to where I was standing and spent a few minutes with me as he nuzzled my hands as if to tell me everything will be alright. He is quite a horse who again made a point to continue or spiritual connection. 

Just Hippotherapy - Multiple Sclerosis

I finally went to the farm today but didn't ride Bouffe. Ever since the weather changed a couple of weeks ago I have been experiencing many of the MS symptoms that are typically brought on by hot weather not the cold. But my MS has always been much more sensitive to the cold than the heat, which is what is happening now.

I did do hippotherapy today but knew I was not walking well enough to get Bouffe out of his stall, groom him and put his tack on. He did enjoy the carrots I brought and seemed to understand as he always does that I was just not strong enough to ride him today. I saw him watching me riding one of Robin's horses as Eileen led me around and Robin walked beside me. It was only for a few minutes and then he seemed to be satisfied that I was alright and went back to eating his hay. Our spiritual relationship is still very strong!

First Time For Everything - OTTB

I have written over an over again what an unshakeable horse Bouffe is. Well, there is a first time for everything and yesterday Bouffe threw me off. He wheeled and dropped his shoulder and off I came. The cause for his action was a piece of plywood that is used to teach horses to walk on a wooden surface, such as a bridge. Yesterday it was windy and the plywood being warped was an easy target for a strong gust that lifted the elevated corner as we walked by doing a serpentine. I had held on to the reins when I came off and after getting up I led Bouffe over to the plywood. He snorted while looking at it carefully. After a minute or so he decided the plywood was not a threat and nuzzled my arm. When I looked at him those kind eyes were saying, "I'm sorry." 

I was going to get back on, but as we walked to the mounting block I started to feel a little sore. I felt a sense of peace about what had just transpired and knew this was a good time to stop. We walked calmly back to the barn. Bouffe was quiet as I untacked him and fed him his carrots. He seemed so appreciative that I hadn't yelled at him or snatched the reins when he threw me. We have a relationship that is something special and one I hope to continue for many years to come. 

The Best We've Ever Done - OTTB

I had another lesson yesterday with Eileen. As soon as I got Bouffe out of his stall I knew he was going to be a good ride. After I finished grooming him he was antsy and had a look of anticipation as I put his tack on.

Bouffe usually stands at the mounting block and waits for as long as it takes me to get on, but yesterday he was anxious to get started and moved twice before I got on his back. Once I was on Bouffe walked along striding out, instead of his usual plodding. When Eileen asks us to trot we made it all the way around the ring, which brought a round of applause form Eileen and Robin, who was watching. We continued doing well as we completed figure eights and serpentines along with some more trotting. Eileen said it was the best she has seen me ride and was pleased with Bouffe also, saying he was amazing, which was direct reference to how he bucks and runs when he is first turned out and then is so quiet when I am on his back.

I told her Bouffe and I have a spiritual relationship and yesterday was a prime example. Because of the pain I has been in recently, I was not looking forward to the lesson and thought maybe I wouldn't even be able to get Bouffe out of the stall without help. But, there is just something about Four Quarters Farm that lifts my spirit when I arrive and carries over to my relationship with this wonderful horse.

Back In The Saddle Again - OTTB - Multiple Sclerosis

Because of health issues that the doctors aren't really sure what is wrong, other than to blame it on my Multiple Sclerosis, I haven't ridden Bouffe up until today when I had another lesson with Eileen. What ever was and still is wrong with me physically went away once I was on Bouffe's back.

Now, Bouffe was his usual lazy self and was barely walking around the ring until I showed him the split reins in my hand that were ready to smack him on the shoulder. No other action was needed, as I am sure he remembered all of the times he had been hit with a whip during a race. He jogged beautifully, which gave me a chance to work on my posting. We also practiced three loop serpentines and figure eights, which took some effort on both our parts to complete.  But all and all it was a good lesson and I wish I could feel as good all the time as I do when I am riding Bouffe. It was another spiritual experience!

I Finally Got To The Farm - Multiple Sclerosis

The doctors still do not know what is wrong with me but are leaning towards it being an exacerbation of my MS. I am feeling a little better and went to see Bouffe and had hippotherapy yesterday. Today I am sore again and am not sure if  will get to the farm tomorrow, which was my original plan.

While I have been gone Bouffe has not been happy and was causing trouble when being led in and out of the field. But he sure was glad to see me yesterday and was very well behaved while being groomed and eating his carrots. As I have written before there is a spiritual connection between the two of us. One which I want to keep for a very long time.

Early Morning Ride - OTTB

I was at the farm bright and early at 8 AM, which was not to Bouffe's liking. He was very stubborn and lazy because he didn't get his hay before we rode. I'm sure that's what it was, because as soon as he saw Leslie giving hay to all the other horses Bouffe acted like a spoiled brat and refused to do anything I asked without me making him, which in a way was good exercise for my legs, even though they got tired. 

The new saddle was still a pleasure to ride in and once he stopped pouting, Bouffe did jog well for me again today too. Bouffe looks good an is getting fit along with his rider, who is dreaming of riding the range in South Dakota. 

Yes, South Dakota. I am going to visit Dale Simanton on his ranch and learn how to work cattle. If you remember the Thoroughbred Makeover from my post of October of last year, you have met Dale. We are also going to be riding through the Black Hills and enjoying the beauty of the West. Bouffe is invited to go along but it is just too expensive. I know it is going to be a spiritual experience and I am confident Bouffe will be able to feel the Power of what I learn as we ride together when I get back.

Good Lesson Today - OTTB, Multiple Sclerosis

Even though it was hot and I was still sore and not walking so well, I went ahead and took a lesson from Eileen today. I was glad I did.

Bouffe was in his very cooperative mode and stood cross-tied with his saddle on for about ten minutes before we had our lesson. He was very mellow when I was riding him and trotted more willingly today than he had in the past. Eileen was pleased with our performance as we did figure eights, serpentines, circles and the before mentioned trot better than in the past. I did have spurs on, which may have helped some.

I am still learning how to use split reins and Bouffe is still getting used to the Tom Thumb bit. But overall we did better than the last time. Bouffe is just a very special horse who takes everything pretty much in stride and remains a spiritual being in my life.   

A Good Ride - OTTB

"A good ride," is what Leslie told me she thought I had with Bouffe today. She was right. He seemed to accept the new bridle with the Tom Thumb bit much better than he had on Wednesday. Plus the bridle has split reins, which I can and did use to slap him with once when he got in his lazy mode and once was all it took. From there on out he responded as soon as I just picked the reins up off his shoulder. He is such a smart horse, who knows exactly what he should do to make me work to my fullest, which is good on my part.

I spent the entire time I was on him today practicing neck reining, something Bouffe seemed to understand. But as soon as I didn't give him the right signals he just stood there until I got it right. As I have said all along Bouffe is a very spiritual being and is a learning gift from my Higher Power.

Another Good Lesson - OTTB - Multiple Sclerosis

Bouffe and I had another lesson with Eileen this morning. She is such a good teacher and coach. I was able to get Bouffe to trot one complete circuit around the ring, which doesn't seem like a big deal, but since I couldn't get him to trot even half that far last week Eileen said it was a big improvement. I alternated between sitting and posting, which also went much better than last week. This was also my first lesson wearing the Tommie Copper clothes, which definitely made a big difference as my legs felt stronger.

This might all change when the Passier saddle I just bought arrives next week. Of course it is English and the one I owned before fit me and Bouffe perfectly and was the most comfortable saddle I had ridden in to that point. I will be interested to see if I still feel that way now that I am riding Western. 

Eileen rode Bouffe at the end of the lesson and he took it all in stride, just like everything else he has been asked to do. He is such a wonderful horse and definetly a spiritual being.

Rest In Peace Snickers

It was a sad day on the farm this morning. Robin's veteran hippotherapy horse Snickers was found dead in the field. He was 31 and had always been the champion for older horses. He worked everyday as Robin's bombproof mount for many timid patients and also won the Novice class last year with Robin aboard. He will be missed.

Bouffe was fine and ate his carrots but seemed to be as low key as I was at the loss of Snickers. He didn't eat with abandon like he usually does and even stopped several times to do what seemed like reflection on what had happened. He has always been a very sensitive horse and was certainly affected by the quiet demeanor of those at the farm this morning. 

Spring Planning - OTTB

I went to the farm and saw Bouffe this morning. I also had hippotherapy. The ground is still snow covered, but again Leslie had plowed the lane all the way to in front of the barn, so I was able to drive and park right in front of Bouffe's stall. Thank you Leslie!

Since I was unable to ride, I spent my time before hippotherapy talking to Bouffe while I fed him his carrots. He again bit off pieces of his liking while I held the carrot. I told him it would soon be time to go back into training and he stopped chewing and gave me that Bouffe look like he understood and wanted more details. When I told him I planned on he and I winning the novice class championship this year he shook his head up and down, much to my amazement. I have written before how I think this horse is a gift directly from God and yesterday he showed me again that he really does understand what I am doing and wants to be a part in it. I'm not one to write or usually believe in this type of stuff, but it has happened too many times in the last year. This horse is definitely special and is a true spiritual awaking in my life every time I visit him. 

Hippotherapy went very well; in fact, I think it was the best session I have ever had. It makes such a big difference when Eileen is there to handle the horse, which yesterday was Roscoe, who is young and can be a challenge at times. But yesterday Eileen, Robin and I worked as a team and I was able to ride better than I have for a long time and felt really good after I dismounted, which doesn't always happen. Thank you Eileen, Robin and Roscoe.  

OTTB - A Very Content Horse

Even though it was snowing again this morning I made up my mind that I was going to the farm. Leslie had cleared the entire road right up to in front of the barn, so it was an easy trip getting to Bouffe's stall. He greeted me again with whinnies and was very interested in the bag of carrots i had in my hand. He always makes me laugh the way he eats them.

I never have to cut them up or break them in smaller pieces. I just hold each carrot up vertically, one at a time. He lets me know how big of a piece he wants and holds it in his mouth until I break it off. It is just another little thing I consider a special relationship with this fantastic horse.

He seemed very content as I went into his stall and checked his legs, which looked good. I think we have both found a very special place in Four Quarters Farm.

OTTB - The Winter Freeze

The outdoor ring was still frozen solid, so I couldn't ride. But Bouffe really seemed to appreciate his new heavyweight blanket I put on him this morning. His old blanket was a hand-me-down from my previous horse and it has seen better days. Bouffe stood completely still in his stall while I adjusted all the straps and was so content when I was finished. There is just that sense of communication that is not spoken that Bouffe and I have and I have such a sense of peace when I am with him. I forget about my MS and any other problems I  may be having.

Multiple Sclerosis - "You Didn't Give Up"

"You didn't give up." Those were the words I heard from one of Robin's hippotherapy patients this morning, when she praised me after I had finished riding Bouffe. I didn't realize anyone was watching, as Bouffe and I shared the outdoor ring with Robin and her patient (I have to find out her name) for thirty minutes. As we were leaving was when the compliments came including, how well I was riding and what an inspiration I was, which she attributed to the fact that I didn't give up. She also asked about Bouffe as he stood there quietly. I didn't have much chance to say anything as Robin and Eileen spoke for me, praising  Bouffe. 

Speaking of Bouffe he really wasn't very interested in training this morning as the ring was thawing out and I could tell he hated the going. But at least it wasn't deep or slippery which I imagine it was by this afternoon as the temperature continued to rise. 

I mentioned Eileen in the previous paragraph. She is again working for Robin and is going to again be my riding instructor starting on Wednesday. Leslie just hasn't had the time to teach me and I am looking forward to lessons with Eileen, where I must remember to listen and cooperate. I made amends in a previous post and I must live up to what I wrote. I believe this too is God given and a second chance for me to become a better rider. I have Bouffe and now I have a instructor who I trust will give me every chance to achieve the goals I have for myself and Bouffe.    

OTTB - My Spiritual Awakening

I did manage to have hippotherapy yesterday morning before the cold weather set in. The temperature was in the forties when my session started and in the twenties by the time the hour was over. I was so cold by then that I got right in my car and came home. 

I did see Bouffe for a few minutes before my session and told him the weather had been just too cold and snowy for me to come up and see him. He looked me straight in the eyes like he understood. I have been around horses since I was five years old and I have never had this type of a relationship with any of my horses. From the first time I ever saw him, Bouffe has had that look like he knows all about me and was put into my life as a spiritual awakening, which he certainly has been.